Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
