I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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