Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
