But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
