He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
the day after is always just damage control
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
