so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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