he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize