My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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