4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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