I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
