I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize