I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
