I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
