First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
