just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
