I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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