the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
