There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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