My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
