I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
