Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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