if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
