I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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