moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
