Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
