I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
