Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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