your parents love me but you hate me
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
worst night to have a conscience
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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