before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
