That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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