Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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