I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
