I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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