you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
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