I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
