wat bout pragnant strippers??
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
