Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize