so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
