I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
