She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
