Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
