Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize