I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
