Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
