she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize