Moan for me like Helen Keller
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
