this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
