ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
