if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize