Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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