Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
