It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
