Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
