Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
