dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
