btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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