whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize