Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
