I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
