I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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