i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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