i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You're a waste of cheezeits
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
