Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
