I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
