Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize