I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
