I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
