Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
