my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
