dude i'm inner monologue high
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
