she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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