if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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