..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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