So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
