All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
