Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize