I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
