Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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