She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
