Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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