I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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