I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize