it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize