i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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