i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
