The beer is more important than you right now.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
