I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
