Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
