Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
