Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
