Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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