I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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