Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize