I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
