i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Ketchup is God's man juice
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
