yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
