Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
ttyl tear gas
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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